Trump Lays Wreath at Tomb of Unknown Stripper

President Trump on Monday laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Stripper in the Arlington National Cemetery, honoring the women who were paid the ultimate price, sometimes up to $1200 in a single night, for our nation’s freedom.

In attendance were members of the president’s administration, Congressional leaders, and some college buddies in town for the weekend. The U.S. Marine Band played a somber and stoic rendition of Mötley Crüe’s “Girls, Girls, Girls.”

“No one will ever know what school she was working her way through,” Trump said during brief remarks.

The wreath, a tasteful weave of satin, sequins, and tassels, was positioned in front of the Tomb, obscuring little and leaving little to the imagination.

Trump said we can never repay the debt of gratitude we owe to the women of our nation’s strip clubs. He then stuffed a $5 into the wreath.

The Tomb of the Unknown Stripper monument is dedicated to U.S. exotic dancers whose real names have not been identified, thought they most likely went by Dakota, Angel, or Crystal.

This year the event was held earlier in the day to coincide with the Tomb’s “Legs & Eggs” all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet.