Hallmark Releases Limited-Edition Chocolate-Filled Human Heart

Hallmark Cards Inc. announced this week the release of a limited-edition chocolate-filled human heart, available in the Valentine’s Day section of participating stores.

Each heart, which only hours earlier beat within the chest cavity of a recently deceased person, is transported to a team of local artisans who hand fill each atrium and ventricle with rich dark or milk chocolate. “These are the hearts of people who once felt the same love for their special someone as you do for yours,” said Hallmark spokesperson Danielle Rhodes. “They are universal, yet also as unique as the individuals they were harvested from.”

The chocolate-covered organ, possibly extracted from someone’s grandparent, sibling, or even child, is then gently dusted with gold leaf and placed in a cellophane-wrapped gift basket filled with colorful crinkle paper and absorbent pad. Customers also have the option of having a classic message such as “cutie pie,” “xoxo,” and “maybe tonight,” seared into the donor’s heart with a hot branding iron while they’re still alive.

The signature hearts are currently priced at $14.99. Same-day shipping is offered to those living near “high-supply” areas such as morgues, back-alleys, and truck stops.

To treat your special someone to a chocolate-filled human heart this Valentine’s Day, look for Hallmark’s Cupid display, made by ripping the wings off doves and sewing them onto newborn infants.