The most dangerous threat to Americans might not be a mass shooting, a terror attack, or even a terrorist and a mass shooter accidentally showing up to the same mall. No, it could be something called Foxy Doxxing. And although you’ve never heard of it because we just made it up, could it be your worst nightmare?
Just when you’ve wrapped your head around momo, shiggy, slenderman, swatting, roofing, bath-salting, bum fighting, condom snorting, bird boxing, the Tide Pod Challenge, the cinnamon challenge, the gallon challenge, the Kylie Jenner challenge, the hot water challenge, and so many other words that seem innocuous at first but grow increasingly frightening over time, here comes foxy doxxing, the newest viral craze to keep you up at night.
Soon videos will be cropping up on social media with hundreds, maybe thousands of copycats posting Tweets, Instagrams, Snapchats, TicTocs, YouTubes, WhatsApps, Tumblrs, Reddits, Facebooks, 4Chans, and more that your children will definitely see and will have to imitate.
Foxy Doxxing, a term which one of our staff writers thought of while riding public transit, was briefly changed to “Black Hacking” until we decided we didn’t want to make it racial. Regardless, it could have links to Russia. And although it’s not real, that could mean a high likelihood of links to White Nationalism. Maybe you’re a white person and you’re not worried, but should everyone else be in a panic?
Or maybe it’s linked to the Trump Administration. Or maybe the Obama Administration. Either way, our legal counsel called our editor a “lazy idiot” and is threatening to resign. On the other hand, should you be barricading yourself and your family in your bunker?
We asked experts on the moments-old phenomenon their opinions and even they, the experts, hadn’t heard of it yet.
Be very afraid.
Everyone agrees that nuclear war is something we didn’t just make up. And everyone would say ‘yes’ if you asked them if nuclear war is a problem. But what if there was no such thing as nuclear war and we just made it up? Even under those circumstances, you would have to be a fool to say nuclear war isn’t a problem. So just because Foxy Doxxing is something we just made up, can you really be sure it isn’t a problem?
The good news is no children have been Foxy Doxxed since it isn’t real. But should we be worried about a dangerous new school-yard game played between angst-ridden boys? Or should we be concerned about groups of young girls laying across the rail road tracks? Yes, we also tried making it up in 2013, and no one thought it was a problem then. But is it a problem now?
We don’t want to get into the specifics, because frankly speaking, we didn’t feel like making those up. We thought Foxy Doxxing was a strong enough idea to stand on it’s own. And we didn’t want to research a bunch of computer stuff on Wwikipedia and Reddit. But should you start shooting random federal agents?
Odds are you’re already a victim. While that’s not a true statement, does it sound like a problem? Should congress do something before everyone gets sick, or loses their job, or gets caught up in a scheme with foreign criminals where they accidentally marry their estranged daughter? None of those has happened due to Foxy Doxxing, because Foxy Doxxing is only make-believe. But is it a problem you should preemptively murder your children to protect them from it?
Look, it’s difficult to say whether Foxy Doxxing is a problem. We’ll be the first to admit we’re not exactly giving you much to work with to make an informed decision. But in this time of uncertainty, one thing is certain: Foxy Doxxing.