Ashton Kutcher Files for Chapter 11 Prankruptcy

Actor and well-known pranking magnate Ashton Kutcher filed for Chapter 11 prankruptcy protection with trustees at the New York Department of Japestice late Thursday, claiming that further oversight of all pranking operations had become unhoaxable, and notifying all current dareholders that they should divest themselves without compunk’dtion.

Speaking to reporters, Kutcher, 41, maintained that he had exercised dude diligence in complying with all pranking regulations, but that a steep conbination of a portfolio tricking error along with negative radturns from several large injestments proved to be impunitrable, and ultimately, unbrahfitable.

Further allegations of miscondpunkt, including illegal offshore pranking, notional fooling, and hidden camera assets, were fervently stuntradicted by Kutcher’s attorneys. Instead, Kutcher blamed chillaxed lending criteria and whackquisition of multiple BB rated punk bonds which ultimately forced the prankruptcy broceedings. By 2019, Kutcher was pranking only on an ad-jock basis, and was in the brahcess of punsulting his lawyers to determine how bluff bruhtect his remaining farcnancial pretences.

In the meantime, as an act of good fake, Kutcher has agreed to radhere to the terms of the hoaxcelleration clause in his origboozle hoodwink charter.